The First Talk
Some parents worry that their 3 or 4 year old won’t be able to grasp the concept in books like The Pea That Was Me that refer to eggs and sperm and embryos, but that’s o.k. The important information you want to impart to your child is that you wanted them very much, that you needed some helpers to have them, and that one of those special helpers was a donor who gave an important gift to make that happen!
This helps them to know how special they are and also introduces them to the word “donor”, which is very helpful to do at a young age because studies have shown that if your child cannot even remember a time that they didn’t know a donor helped them come into the world, the more easily they adapt to this information. It is simply a part of their unique life story.
Of course after you read The Pea That Was Me version that’s most appropriate to your family, you should tell your child : “And you know what? That’s how YOU came into our family too!”
You can elaborate on the fact that everyone has a different life story and lots of kids have different kids of helpers in their lives. You can also emphasize the fact that people who donate things to other people are very kind-hearted and that everyone should give what they can to other people with the things that they need and very much want.
Talking about surrogates can be done in a similar way—reading books, talking about generosity, and ending the reading of the book by saying “And we had a very special lady who carried YOU in her tummy, and that’s how you came into OUR family!”
This helps them to know how special they are and also introduces them to the word “donor”, which is very helpful to do at a young age because studies have shown that if your child cannot even remember a time that they didn’t know a donor helped them come into the world, the more easily they adapt to this information. It is simply a part of their unique life story.
Of course after you read The Pea That Was Me version that’s most appropriate to your family, you should tell your child : “And you know what? That’s how YOU came into our family too!”
You can elaborate on the fact that everyone has a different life story and lots of kids have different kids of helpers in their lives. You can also emphasize the fact that people who donate things to other people are very kind-hearted and that everyone should give what they can to other people with the things that they need and very much want.
Talking about surrogates can be done in a similar way—reading books, talking about generosity, and ending the reading of the book by saying “And we had a very special lady who carried YOU in her tummy, and that’s how you came into OUR family!”
